Beat Loneliness, Get a Friend

By Rory McClannahan

Sometimes when I meet people I wonder about what kind of kid they were. If I were to meet them where we were both 7-year-olds, would we have become friends?

I’ve been reading a lot lately – maybe the internet is targeting me – about how older Americans, especially men, do not have any friends. In addition, this loneliness and isolation has led to an increase in suicide rates. In 2022 there were about 50,000 suicides in the U.S. and about 53 percent of them were of men older that 55. This all concerns me because, through the years, my circle of friends has become a lot smaller than it used to be. People who study these sorts of things seem to think this is a problem, but I’m not sure having fewer friends is a bad thing. I will admit that having no friends is a problem, though. However, these stories keep trying to convince me that I better do something or I will end up a lonely old man. I am made to feel guilty if I end up that way.

I find that I enjoy solitude. I find many interesting things to do that require no one else. I read, I take photographs, I write, I ride my motorcycle. I do a lot of things and sometimes I do nothing. Still, I do sometimes feel a bit of loneliness. So, I’ve been thinking about this friendship trauma guys my age are going through and wonder if I need to make some friends.

While the overall mood of our country is such that there is little concern about older white dudes killing themselves. I get that. When old white guys have been running things for so long, it’s only natural to not worry too much when they off themselves. Still, if you value life then you should value every life, right?

It’s a very complex subject and I don’t have any answers. Even through the deepest and darkest of depressions I have never thought to take my life. I have felt like running away to the circus, but never suicide. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand why someone would be compelled to do that. It can be a pretty shitty world.

The best I can do is take care of myself and offer any words of encouragement that I can.

It’s why I have been wondering about how someone was like as a kid, when the seeds of friendship were planted based on what we liked. I know what kind of kid I was and I know the kind of adult I am. Obviously, I’m not a little kid anymore, but that kid is there inside of me.

I know when someone meets me they see the extreme dad body, the gray hair and the wrinkles around my eyes. They might even think I have some little bit of wisdom. They don’t see the emotional scars that are earned only through being a human being to make it nearly 59 years without fucking up too bad. By the time we reach adulthood, we have learned to hide a lot of that.

The thing about being 7 years old, though, is that it’s easy to make friends because we haven’t learned to hide things that well yet. That’s why religious leaders always compel you to have the faith of a child. Friendships are easily formed as a kid, but just as difficult to maintain. Geography and a common love of comic books will only go so far. Still, common interests are a good place to start when searching for a friend. My interests have diversified substantially since I was 7. Perhaps it was my love of comic books that informs my love of art and literature, but as a kid I usually only cared if Spider-Man beat Dr. Octopus. Now if I think about superheroes, it more through literary comparisons and the social impact of them. Despite that so-called sophistication, I cater to my inner child by riding my motorcycle in the woods on a nice summer day. I like taking photographs because it gets me out to challenge myself to look at the world itself as a piece of art. I’m up to trying anything once. I look for the humor in everyday situations and love irony when it happens in real life.

There are men out there who probably have those same interests. I know a few, which is kind of cool. I am blessed with some really good friends, and despite what I might say I enjoy making new ones.

That’s why when I meet people, I try to imagine what a person was like when they were a kid based on who they are as an adult. I figure if I’m still a kid somewhere in my soul, so is everyone else.

Maybe that kid might want to hang out some time.